What hunk muffins
What hunk muffins
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Benjamin David Gavin Degraw Heemstra holds the current Generics record with over ninety-six hours of consecutive brow-furrowing, a mark which is likely to stand for weeks to come. Seriously, the guy’s got moxie. Between a hectic practice schedule and pursuing his career as a rocket surgeon, Hamster likes to work on his memoirs recounting his quest for enlightenment in a hip-hop era (now with the working title “Buddha Call”). He also enjoys breathing, almost maniacal dental hygiene, and searching for the Lorax so he can give it a piece of his mind. |
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One thing that’s held the Generics back in recent years is a dearth of members named Ben. So when we learned that this was one of Greenie’s specialties, our dearth turned into a berth of mirth with the girth of Perth. Or something. An aspiring starfish breeder, Ben spends much of his free time trying to hold speed dating sessions for the little critters and redirecting the world’s ocean currents using only his body and cell phone as tools. One word of warning: due to a rough childhood, Greenie has a psychotic episode when he sees or hears the letter “e”, so try to avoid it. Otherwise you’ll get along famously! |
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Zack almost became an international hero by making the most recent attempt to assassinate Hitler. Tragically, his plan was foiled by the high price of airfare and by him being born 45 years too late. Keggles’ fame will just have to wait, although he has gotten some time in the limelight: remember the kid that wouldn’t let Forrest Gump sit next to him on the bus? That was Keggles. That little poison-spitting dinosaur in Jurassic Park? Ditto. In addition to acting and singing, Zack is also a talented air-violinist and was the first person to play the washboard in Carnegie Hall. His life’s mission is to return there, but this time to be invited. |
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After a brief jaunt in Spain, Mr. Swirly has returned! Swirly: Defeating social norms since the invention of the haircut. Re-Bio coming soon. |
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One morning we found Jake lying naked in a patch of heather clutching a half-eaten deer carcass. Immediately recognizing his raw talent, we put him in a cage, housetrained him, and groomed him for the eructative life of a generic. Jake "Latenite" Dinerman brings with him a passion for dirigibles, atrocious penmanship, and remarkable meat-identification skills. Seriously, he can tell the difference between braised impala and broiled gazelle. In addition to this immensely useful skill, Latenite enjoys water, barley, hops, yeast, and all combinations thereof. |
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Style, ease, and peoples' knees are just a few of the many clusters of letters that could be used to describe Steez. After several brushes with the law during the infamous A Cappella Gang Wars of the mid 90s, he found his way to the generics through the rehabilitation program known as "Helping People Join the generics After Brushes With the Law During the Infamous A Capella Gang Wars of the Mid 90s". Steez's most intimite desire is to inactivate all of the volcanos in North America (for obvious reasons). He is a member of the Shirtless Poets' Society, his favorite superhero is Matter-Eater Lad, and he disapproves of breakfast during nightime hours. |
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After searching the planet, Ajay (just one J) found the generics and took them into his great big heart right next to his pet monkey, Dekembe. Since then he has completely astonished the Western world with his vocal impression of the fabled subcontrabass flute. Swang is recognized as a minor deity in several small suburbs of Wisconsin, and is generally considered the preeminent licorice expert of the East Coast. Swang was devastated when his life's aspiration of joining Wilford Brimley's fly-fishing painters' program, "Dye a Baetis", was thwarted because his pelvis couldn't pass a polygraph test. As it turns out, Swang's hips DO lie. But they say the sweetest things.
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Ammar Ali Sophomore
New Guy... Bio Coming Soon.
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Christian "Jobin" Hoff Freshman
New Guy... Bio Coming Soon.
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Sam "D'Bryk" Bryk Freshman
New Guy... Bio Coming Soon.
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Sean "Bruno" Abraham Freshman
New Guy... Bio Coming Soon.
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Xavier "Rollez" Sumter Freshman
New Guy... Bio Coming Soon.
 Lance "Scootz" Lotharp Freshman
New Guy... Bio Coming Soon.
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University of Maryland
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Mailing Address: 6903
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marylandgenerics@gmail.com
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UMD generics. All rights reserved.
Last Updated June 9th, 2011
Webmaster Ben Greenberg